the easiest, most foolproof way to wear black on black
a guide on not wearing all the clothes in your closet by pikachu, the kid
step 1: buy a bunch of black clothes.
step 2: wear them.
It sounds simple, but I should preface this by saying that for as much as I love fashion and all its beauty in living colors - wearing color is so fucking hard.
If you are someone who happens to see me IRL, you would know that I have a “default” outfit that you might catch me rocking 9/10.
I’m not in my “emo” or “goth era,” nor am I going for the “corporate goth aesthetic,” nor am I allergic to color.
Honestly, I am just lazy and desperately itching to get out of the damn house.
I work from home, which means for most of my days, I fit the common visual stereotype of someone who doesn’t have to leave the crib in order to actually be at work – sweatpants and hoodie akimbo.
But the moments after work is where things get a little bit different. I can wear “real clothes,” but that’s where the problem begins.
You ever just stand in front of your closet and think:
Does this match with this? Red pants looks cool, but good luck finding something to wear with red pants. Why do jeans come in infinite shades of indigo?
It doesn’t have to be like that.
My hazy mind cannot recall when I decided to start wearing all black, but there are at least three or four reasons why I decided to go with it.
First and foremost, we have to talk about the idea of “the uniform.”
Initially, I used to think about my gravitation towards wearing all black or at least black pants or t-shirt as some sort of me subtly saying that I am adopting more of a “style uniform” like that of Karl Lagerfeld, or Steve Jobs, or to a lesser extent - Elizabeth Holmes.
But unlike Lagerfeld, I do not hate myself and I do not seek to attempt to fit into clothes that are going require for me to alter my body in a way that can be extremely dangerous.
But like Steve, these habits are adopted from a place where one task is made easier and faster - you don’t have to think about it.
You wake up, take a shower, brush your teeth, shave off the hair on your face, put on the moisturizer, the fragrance and slap on that all black fit and you’re out the door.
There were times when I got up in the morning thinking “ok, I’m gonna wear some color today,” before standing in front of my closet in my underwear thinking “fuck, I don’t have anything to wear.”
I would stand in front of my closet, on my phone googling different color combinations of shirt, pants, blazer, jacket, shoes, etc. - all to just say “fuck it” and leave the house wearing an outfit where at the least, one key item is black.
Usually it’s my pants, but that’s not the point. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that all of that can be avoided.
"I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It's still my symbol of rebellion -- against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others' ideas." - Johnny Cash
Second, as much as I hate the term “Quiet Luxury,” wearing all black is the easiest way to pull such an aesthetic.
Take these examples, which I use as inspiration for my own all-black outfits:
The term “wear the clothes, don’t let the clothes wear you” applies with these sorts of outfits. In these three specific examples, the all-black outfits act as an extension of the characters being portrayed - whether it’s Billy Joel in his video for “We Didn’t Start The Fire,” Moon Dong-eun, the character played by Song Hye-Kyo in “The Glory,” or JK Simmons playing Terence Fletcher in “Whiplash.”
Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “Pika, i’m no Billy Joel, im not a K-Drama character, nor am I a batshit crazy Jazz instructor.”
That’s true, but neither am I. It is all in the feeling and how you play the part.
I never make myself out to be the “bad guy,” but villains tend to go hard with the fits.
Let me put it like this: the frumpiest, most awkward looking fits come from those who feel like they don’t feel comfortable in their outfit. You can see it: the collar around the neck is too tight or too high, or the armholes in a blazer or suit jacket are too high - that can lead to someone having a bad experience with wearing said fit and it not looking as good as originally intended.
The term “second skin” should be taken literally here. No matter the colour, clothes for the outside should fit as comfortable as your pajamas, or whatever you wear inside the house.
Real “quiet luxury” is not just looking for high quality materials, but “high quality feelings.” Do not feel satisfied solely because it is a certain brand, buy clothes that make you want to keep them on 24/7/365.
Do you think Shiv from “Succession” would wear those turtlenecks if the turtlenecks made her feel itchy or uncomfortable? I don’t think so.
My sole advice for achieving that: keep trying shit on, no matter where you shop. You might find that a certain fit feels better than another and if you like it, you’ll obsess over it to the point where you’d want to buy five of them at a time.
Very recently, I found that I prefer Levi’s 531 “athletic slim taper” over the popular 511 “slim” - it achieves the same “slim” silhouette as the 511, but manages to not put my thick, fat ass thighs in a chokehold.
Now, one downside of wearing black constantly - if you’d consider it a downside, is that black clothes fade.
Cheap t-shirts, expensive jeans - they all fade. Cotton On and Hollister claims to have made “No Fade” jeans, but they still fade.
I used to cry whenever my clothes faded, but I came to learn that black garments gets better with age. The natural fading on black garments adds a touch of personality and dimension to cheap t-shirts and jeans, which in turn makes a simple outfit look complex.
But in reality, it goes to say that the same black t-shirts that I have had for 3-4, possibly 5 years now are still in my rotation and are not fading past a slightly dim black. Jeans, on the other hand, can fade up to a very, very very dark grey and still look black in pictures or to the untrained eye in unnatural lighting.
Also, big upside of wearing black is that it’s harder to stain black. I can eat all the pizza, tomato sauce, chili or kimchi I want and it’ll come right the fuck out in the wash.
“All black from head to toe, you can’t see me inside the club.” - Yaeji, “Guap”
The piece you just read inspired by Frugal Aesthetic, I felt compelled to write about this because he made a video about wearing all black and he explained a lot of stuff that just came kind of naturally to me.
I’ll link the video here:
Obligatory shout out to Frugal, he explains a lot more stuff in depth. I would personally pay attention to the middle part of the video - around 4:41, where he explains how textures and different materials in your black colored clothes can add another layer of depth to an all black fit.
Otherwise, wear your damn clothes.
Ingat.